I Got “Sued” by my Dog – Did he Win? You Decide
My dog, Curtis, is a very sensitive fellow. So sensitive that, despite the fact he stayed at a wonderful kennel where he got plenty of attention and was able to run around all day, he got sick the day I got home and remained that way the following day. At first I thought he and my other dog Millie, were just tired. Then I thought, oh no, Curtis got a bug at the kennel. But Millie wasn’t sick, so that didn’t really make sense. Then, I realized, Curtis was upset. Very, very upset. He was fine during my absence, apparently, but upon my return any anxiety he was feeling came out, in the form of projectile vomiting that required me to throw out my carpet (this is why I buy cheap area rugs from Home Depot.)
At any rate, some years ago, Curtis hired my friend, Larry Markowitz, to represent him in his numerous interests relating to his use in my numerous presentations, articles and the book I wrote. After Curtis complained on Facebook quite vociferously, Larry suggested that he sue. What did Curtis have to say? He wrote:
“I wasn’t feeling well yesterday. It is Jennifer Ellis‘s fault for going away. She shouldn’t go away for any more than a day at a time. I didn’t even want to eat my dinner last night. Then, I was sitting on the couch with Sa friend and I got sick and oops, all over the carpet. Jennifer her friend took away my carpeting and now there is no carpet on the floor. As far as I am concerned, this is entirely Jennifer’s fault and it is not comfortable. I have to lay on my bed now, instead of the floor.
I also would like you to know that I know what the words ‘throw up mean’ I do not like it when I throw up, and if you say the words throw up, I will put my ears back and look pitiful. Please do not say those words in front of me. I find the entire concept very embarrassing.”
Curtis also agreed that he should sue and made the following demands:
- 5 lbs of food
- Quite a few burgers
- A lot of rawhides
- Get rid of the cats
- Millie gets no part of the settlement.
Larry, then contacted me with a formal statement of Curtis’ demands.
Well. It went kind of crazy (crazier?) from there. Numerous people decided to comment. Two lawyers decided that Millie Ellis, as well as the cats (Rami and Angelou) also required representation.
My response in both cases? “Get Bent.”
Fortunately, Curtis and I were able to settle for a weekly rawhide and burger. I am not sure where we are with Millie and the Cats. I also cannot tell you how many likes and comments existed on the various posts involved in this crazy negotiation conducted on Facebook. I can tell you it involved myriad dogs, lawyers, laypeople, and a discussion of bacon. After all, what negotiation is complete without bacon?
This, ladies and gentlemen, is my life.